She was sitting in one on the pews forward of me, I could hear her talking away quietly, telling her problems to a God who I no longer believed in.
She was a lady of around sixty, wrapped up in a gray woollen coat, it wasn’t warm in here, it never seemed warm in churches. She couldn’t have known that I was behind her because what I overheard was fit only for the confessional, she was telling the divine entity, who I was sure was probably busy somewhere else creating havoc, how she had been having an affair with a married man for over a decade. I listened in closer. She said she had got fed up with him, after all the years he had said he would leave his wife and never did and did he really think he could mess her around and waste over ten years of her life.
I looked again, could this really been a woman in her sixties, the story sounded like that of someone half her age. I shuffled silently along the pew to take a better look, indeed she looked every day of sixty. She went on to explain some details that would make a priest blush, using language that should never be heard in a church. I began to feel a little sorry for the guy involved with her, she must have been quite a handful, then she told her silent confidant where she had hidden the body.
I quietly shuffled back along the pew and got up to leave, I needed to go to the police and tell them what I had heard, before I could fully stand up she had turned around and seen me trying to leave, she smiled and said “Hello.” As if nothing had happened, her confession forgotten.
“H, H, Hi…” I stuttered.
“Sorry if I disturbed you, I thought I was alone.”
“Yes, you must have.” I replied, she looked at me with a smile on her face.
“Oh that… well I was practicing a speech for a book signing.”
That was when I fainted.
(Church pictured Rennes Le Chateau.)