The way we see ourselves has taken a long time to arrive at the point we are today. We are shaped and moulded into what other people wanted us to be from the day we were born, then when those very same people see traits they don’t like in us, they forget where it came from. But can we really change or will we continue to flinch at the same things that once were thought to be so endearing in our nature?
Jessica – Part 1
Jessica was brought up to be kind and sweet, don’t speak until spoken to was ingrained in her, she went to school as a shy and polite girl and that was what she continues to be. Occasionally she would break out of her shell and laugh and mess around like all of the other children but normally she just sat and listened in class, absorbed the knowledge and always tried to help the teachers.
Fast forward twenty years…
Jessica went to work every day and was a conscientious worker, always willing to go the extra mile for the company, but she wasn’t happy. In her mind she wanted to break out and travel the world, meeting new people and having amazing experiences. Yet every day she turned up for work, telling herself she was being responsible and one day when she had saved enough money she could do everything she wanted to do with her life.
Fast forward ten years…
She met her soon to be husband, she loved him and gave up all thoughts of travelling the world. She spent her time making him happy, they married, bought a new house and settled into domesticity, within two years they had settled down into a comfortable life. They occasionally went out for meals and once a year they had a holiday, normally Cornwall because her husband didn’t like flying. She had thought that she should be grateful and happy, but she wasn’t, she’d let go of her dreams and been conventional and kind and helpful, just as she had been taught as a child.
She had a phone call from her Father and agreed to meet him for a coffee one day, they weren’t close but she liked to see him occasionally, as they were talking she had a sudden realisation from something he said in passing that the man sat before her who had made her kind and compliant was the very same man that would tut at her if she did something even slightly out of his comfort zone. He would look embarrassed if she made a statement he thought was outlandish, then she would immediately clam up and revert to being that kind, quiet child again. It had struck her like a bolt of lightening, someone that loved and shaped her life had also instilled all of her insecurities.
Jessica went home that evening to her husband who she now understood was a carbon copy of her father, he sat there with his feet up watching the TV. She looked at him but saw him in a different light now. Everything felt different now she had seen with clarity who had shaped her destiny, now all she needed to do was to decide if she could change it for herself. She began to realise that although her life was okay, it should have been exceptional, it should have been her life, not just a shadow of other peoples.